Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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