I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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