I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
