i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize