Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
