He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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