i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
