Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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