For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think your dad took our porno
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
