Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
