she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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