perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
