Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
