We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
