you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Your penis caused this!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
