Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code