i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.