guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
