The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
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My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.