You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?