She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask