He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?