He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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