tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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