Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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