i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
