When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace