Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.