So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think your husband is breaking up with me...