How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
