I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
