I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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