i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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