you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
