she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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