she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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