They should really pass out barf bags in church
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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