Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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