hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
