i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"