this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"