I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright