I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"