My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!