All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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