I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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