all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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