Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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