What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
