I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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