This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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