It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I love you. Go after that dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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