Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
