A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
