with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure