Too much gin, very little bucket
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder