Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids