so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
