its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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