i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
