I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
