My pussy is not your playground.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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