my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he thought i was a dude.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
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I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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