so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
