i think my mom watched the whole time
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
