i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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